Guatemala

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Guatemala smell like cheese ~ mt + ac

>Though maybe you were looking for Nicaragua, El Salvador, Honduras, Belize, or Panama??

A very Soy-ish flag

Guatemala also known as Guate Duca or the Highland Mayaland of Chicicastenango land is a country in between Mexico and Belize. It is notable for being where Homer Simpson bought a fancy car. As a result, it is often used/posted in Sneedy edits despite being SNCA. Notably this SNCA country with only around 6 million people has a very large percentage of braps, with a higher percentage of brappers then the famous brappy countries of Mexico and El San Salvador e Cristo.

Guatemala’s Word History

The name "Guatemala" comes from the Nahuatl word Cuauhtēmallān, or "place of many trees (despite the fact there are no trees in Guatemala)", a derivative of the Mayan word for trees or, perhaps more specifically, for the Cuate tree Eysenhardtia. This name was originally used by the Mexica to refer to the Kaqchikels of the nearby niggerhellish Central America shitholes but was extended to refer to the whole country during the Spanish colonial period. The official name of the country is the Republic of Guatemala (República de Guatemala in Spanish) since a decree from 21 March 1847 and prior to that it was the State of Guatemala (Estado de Guatemala) from 17 April 1839 until 1847.

A brief history of Guatemala

Guatemalan person

The earliest settlements in Guatemala are believed to have been Proto-Indian-Mexican-Salvadorian-Nicaraguan SPICs in around 100,000 BCE. Keep in mind Africans were still making arrowheads with the chimps so SPICs are better than Niggers but not by much. The first Arrowheads and weapons have been found in a region of Guatemala called Santa Cruz el Quiché in around 65,000 BCE or when Frogs decided to mask their sentience. It is uncertain when these hunter-gatherer groups transitioned to agriculture, but pollen samples from the Petén region and the Pacific coast indicate maize cultivation as early as 3500 BC^{[although maize is not sentient]}. The first settlements were made in the Cheche (not Chechen, that’s in Russia) region right next to Mexico, meaning that Guatemala was still mostly a Mexican colony^{[although Mexico was not independent yet and consisted of Olmecs making giant heads of garlic]}. The oldest one with a name is the modern day city of La Blanca which was called Xlotke or something like that. Guatemala's Pre-Columbian era is divided into three periods: the Preclassic period (2000 BC to 250 AD), the Classic period (250 to 900 AD), and the Postclassic period (900 to 1500 AD). Despite the multitude of years we know next to nothing about Guatemalan civilization apart from the Mayan empire from 1100s to 1500s which killed a lot of Mexicans and Nicaraguan Yucatáns.

Timelapse of Mayan village, 400 AD-1400 AD

Eventually Guatemala’s stunning and brave Maya KINGZ were defeated by Spanish forces in the 1524 Alvarado Conflict. Spain’s rule was somewhat average (Guatemala, Nicaragua, El Salvador, and Panama were all part of the colony of Nuevo Espana) but useless as they didn’t enact total maya death (TMD). In 1821, Mexico declared its independence from Spain after a 8 year civil war following a priest’s rally call in the native Chiapas town of Dolores. Guatemala and other countries (except for Honduras and Belize which are under British control and remained under British control until the 1950s) rised up and declared independence as the State of Central America. El Salvador had 5 signers, Nicaragua had 6, Panama had 4, and our Guatemala had only 1 that being Aycinina y Pinoľ. However due to a civil war between the northern Central American countries (Nicaragua and El Salvador) versus our Guatemala and Panama, the Central American state was dissolved just like my ancestors’s hips. Guatemala officially declared independence in 1829 with its discount American congress selecting Aycinina (remember him) as president and an ethnic Honduran named Jose Quesada. Due to Aycinina being a bigoted Chud who hated all things Spain and Nicaragua^{[although Nicaragua is just as Brimstone as Guatemala if not more]} he burned all books in Nicaraguan Quecha Mayanese, killed a lot of the Mayans and Yucatán Highlanders, and enacted Total Maya Death. The Aycinina regime lasted around 5 years until another retard Chud named Morazan Salvador (yes this guy was from El Salvador but identified as Guatemalan and supported them in the Central America war) BFTO’d Aycinina but at what cost as he was BFTO’d 4 years later. Eventually the country was purchased by another Chuddycel named Jose Turcus who got himself involved with a weird American Slave owning Mormon named William Walker who wanted to start a “new Israel” in Nicaragua and Guatemala. Eventually the Republic of Guatemala is started and has not been invaded since a brief CIA coup in the 1950’s, but apart from that Guatemala has been chill, it is still brappy, retarded, and SPICy so I don’t recommend you visit Guatemala. Especially not the capital Chicicastenango which is included a lot in outdated Social Studies textbooks used in the states of Michigan and Ohio (literal Maya slave market).

Why this article exists

Homer Simpson, in his infinite wisdom, went to the store Sneed’s Seed and Feed formerly Chuck’s driving in his Guatemalan car made with 51 shekels by Ford Moyer Company. Chuck saw his car and remarked that it was a fancy German car, to which Sneed corrected, the car was actually Guatemalan, made by the oppressed Guatemalan Mayans in Chicicastenango